Everett’s First Gay Experience

Everett said that he had something he must tell me, but that I couldn’t judge him for it. He confessed that he had messed around with his friend and fellow transgender, Mark. My first thought was shit, now I can’t be your first gay experience. On second thought, he’s panicking over it and hasn’t really done anything wrong.

You see it’s a common belief that if you are gay and you go through gender reassignment therapy to change your gender, your attractions are based on familiarity with yourself or how you identify yourself and that you’ll still be gay. I won’t pretend to understand it because I can name about a dozen other people who could explain it in greater detail than I, doesn’t change the fact that Everett is afraid of people judging him after they’ve told him it’s only a matter of time before he’s attracted to men. Including his fiancé, Jasmine.

Today is Aubrey’s Birthday and she really had nothing planned. I figured if she was going to do anything it’d probably be a few lines of cocaine or smoke a puddle of meth. She says she’s coming down hard and feels horrible, but again I believe she’s done it to herself and I’m not going to give her attention for it.

A quick recap on Aubrey’s pregnancy. After three or four negative pregnancy tests she still wasn’t convinced, so she went to the doctor to check her blood and it was also negative. She isn’t pregnant. Still our friendship is failing.

I’ve had a pretty busy day and I’m glad to be home, although I’m not really sure why I look forward to the weekends these days. It seems all I do when I’m not at the office is sit at home and drink because my friends all have other plans. It amazes me how restless I can get and I force myself to sleep sometimes for ten or eleven hours at a time because it’s better than just sitting here doing nothing.

Everett’s Got a Job

Today I got up early and met with Everett to get his car seen to, little did he know I’ve been talking to our Hiring Manager about a possible position for him. By the end of the day Everett had the safety and emissions done on his car and a job interview lined up. I sincerely believe he’ll be a great fit for the job. We’re placing him at our Clinton Park location which seriously needs a pick-up.

I don’t foresee any challenges working with Everett, but it still concerns me working with someone that I know so intimately. I’ve already made it clear that I cannot give him any special treatment, but still I’m afraid that I’ll want to.

Tomorrow is Aubrey’s Birthday and she’s sick, turns out she has bronchitis—probably brought on or made worse by her recent drug use. Supposedly she’s been coming down from meth and I guess she’s determined once again to get clean and stay clean. I think she sees something romantic about getting clean for somebody, because she doesn’t realize she’d have to do it for herself.

Although we both agree that she hasn’t done anything wrong, Aubrey’s and my friendship is still struggling. I just can’t get past some things and it really sucks. We miss each other, and I miss us.

Just Another Binge

I’ve barely been talking to Aubrey lately because she obviously had sex with some douche while on one of her recent binges, because she admitted a month ago that she may be pregnant! She wasn’t. Still this really cuts at me not only because of how I feel about her, but because of my adoration for children. She knows how badly I want to have a child someday and although we were drunk at the time, we had talked about it.

These past few days have been weighing on our friendship because not only are we barely speaking, but she’s been staying with her ex-girlfriend Natalie and bingeing on meth and whatever else under the guise that she’s so depressed over losing Keirra.

As I write this Aubrey’s trying to find a way to Harmony Hospital because she can’t breathe. She’s very weak and raspy sounding, and I can’t help but think it’s all because of her recent meth use.

I don’t know what I’d do if something were to happen to her, but I can’t get past the thought that she’s making herself this way.