Tossing and Turning

I haven’t heard a thing from Aubrey these past couple days, and I’ve seriously had some time to think about the situation. Not to say that it’s helped any. I was very difficult to sleep last night as I kept waking up to some of the most horrible thoughts.

Aubrey is going to do whatever and whoever she wants to do. I honestly think that she doesn’t mean to hurt me, just as much as she doesn’t really consider me, either. Indifferent if you will.

Sure I’ve got a couple girls lined up who want to have my baby, but the truth is I don’t and can’t ever imagine caring for them the way I care about Aubrey. I know we can never be, and I forgive her for that the way she forgives me for having these uncontrollable feelings for her. That doesn’t make it any easier, either.

Just the thought of her being with another guy makes me sick to my stomach.

It’s Mother’s Day this weekend, and I could really use my best friends. We’ll see how this goes.